The death of a loved one is an immeasurably difficult moment for any person. At such moments we ourselves need help and comfort, and in fact we must take ourselves in hand and help the one whose hands no longer depend on, the deceased. As long as we live, our posthumous fate is covered by good deeds, thoughts and prayers, when we die, all hope of our salvation rests on the shoulders of loved ones.
Realizing that we need to help the departed to atone for his sins , we arrange a funeral funeral, order an expensive tombstone, a luxurious funeral feast, weep and lament fate - but all this, in fact, we do for our own comfort. To help us in reality, we can only memorial prayer, alms and all sorts of good deeds done on behalf of the deceased.
Prayer at a memorial meal
Wreaths are arranged by Christians from time immemorial, to honor the memory of the deceased and ask the Lord for forgiveness of his sins. A wake is arranged on the 3rd day after death (funeral), 9th day and 40th day. They are also held in other, memorable days for the deceased - birthday, angel's day, anniversary of death. Of course, the key element in such meals should not be a lush table and rivers of alcohol, but memorial prayers for the deceased.
At a wake everyone can come who knew the deceased. There is also an ancient custom of inviting and setting the table for the first needy. Then the Orthodox wake and memorial prayer turned into charity, because these poor and feeble people were given food, things, everything that they might need. Of course, all this should be done on behalf of the one who is remembered and every time giving alms, saying "Take this alms from the Lord ...".
Before the beginning of the meal read 17 Kafism from the Psalter. It should be done by someone close. Next, before the meal, the "Our Father" is read, and after the end of the meal, the prayer of thanks is "Thank You, Christ our God" and "Worthy to eat."
Between each dish, instead of saying "let the earth be his down," you should read a short memorial prayer, which can be used on the anniversary of death, and on any day when we want to pray for the deceased - "God rest, Lord, the soul of your new slave ( name), and forgive him all the transgressions of his free and unwilling and grant him the Kingdom of Heaven. "
40 days of remembrance
The most earnest is to read the memorial prayers for 40 days. The Lord is especially merciful to those souls, for whom there is someone to pray for, it means that their life was not in vain, and they managed to awaken and leave love in their own heart, at least in one heart.
If we pray for sinners, God will forgive them their sins and free them from suffering. If we read the memorial prayers for the righteous, they will thank God for the atonement of our sins in gratitude.
In domestic prayer, you can commemorate those for whom you can not pray in the church - these are suicides and people who do not believe in life and are unbaptized. Home prayer is called a cell (performed according to the rules), and the Optina elders allowed to pray in this way for suicides and unbelievers.
Memorial prayers in the cemetery
When you come to the cemetery, you should read the memorial prayer for 9 days. It is called lithium, which in the literal sense means increased prayer. You need to light a candle, pray, you can invite a priest to the rank of prayer, you need to clean up on the grave, just shut up and remember the deceased.
Orthodoxy does not welcome the customs of eating, drinking, leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread on the grave. All this pagan traditions, they should not be carried away. Also, do not put the device on the table at the funeral for the deceased, do not pour it, even if during his lifetime he was inclined to drink alcohol.
