Trying to influence the behavior of their children, in a state of irritation or fear, the adults come to the words and phrases that their parents once told them. But not always what you say to your child will positively affect his behavior and help him understand what he was wrong about. Sometimes, a phrase that does not mean anything to us can cause a very great psychological trauma to the child, reduce his self-esteem , and become the impetus for the formation of complexes.
Therefore, in order to avoid the use of phrases that simply can not be told to children, in this article we will get acquainted with the most common harmful utterances.
1. You see, you can not do anything - let me do it myself.
In such words, parents tell their child that they do not believe in him, that he is a loser and the kid ceases to believe in himself, considers himself clumsy, awkward, and unskillful. Repeating this phrase all the time, you discourage him from doing something on his own, and he will already do everything for his mother to do it for herself.
Instead of prohibiting him from doing something or doing it himself, parents should just be helped, explained again, done with him, but not for him.
2. Boys (girls) do not behave this way!
Steady phrases "Boys do not cry!", "Girls should behave calmly!" Lead to the fact that children are locked in themselves, afraid to show their emotions, become secretive. Do not impose a pattern of specific behavior on the child, it is better to show that you understand him and seek help, and then it will be easier to explain the rules of behavior to him.
3. Why can not you be like ...?
Comparing the child with others, you can develop from him an unhealthy sense of rivalry, offend him, make him doubt your love. The child should know that he is loved not because he dances well, but because he is their son or daughter. In order to form a desire for a better result, one can compare only with the past result of the child himself.
4. I'll kill you, you're lost, I wish I had an abortion!
Such a phrase can never be uttered, so that the baby does not, they can provoke his desire "not to be."
5. I do not like you.
This terrible phrase can form a child's opinion that he is no longer needed, and this is a great psychological trauma. And the use of the option "If you do not obey, I will not love you" leads to the perception of your love as a reward for his good behavior, in which case the children usually quickly move away from their parents.
6. You will not eat porridge, come ... and take you!
This phrase is already rooted in our vocabulary, that even sometimes strangers on the street tell her children, wanting to reassure them. But nothing good with it will not work: in a small child a fear is formed that can develop into a real phobia, the level of anxiety rises, and this can lead to a nervous breakdown.
7. You are bad! You are lazy! You're greedy!
Never hang a label on the child, even if he has acted badly. The more times you say this, the faster he will believe that he is and will start behaving accordingly. It's more correct to say "You behaved badly (greedy)!", Then the child will understand that he is good, just do not.
8. Do whatever you want, I do not care.
Parents should give their child attention and interest in his affairs, no matter how busy they are, otherwise they risk losing contact with him and then he will not come to you to share anything. And the same model of behavior will later build with their children.
9. You must do what I said, because I'm in charge here!
Children, as well as adults, need explanations why it is necessary to do so, and not otherwise. Otherwise, in a similar situation, but when you are not there, he will do as he pleases, and not as correctly.
10. How many times can I tell you! You can never do it right!
Another phrase that lowers the child's self-esteem. It's better to say "Learning from mistakes!" And help him figure out where he made a mistake.
To your children want to do something, be sure to thank them for their help, especially the boys. Is it hard to say "You're a fine fellow! Thank you! ", And the girl -" You are clever! ". When constructing sentences in conversation with children, use the "not" particle less often, which is not captured by them. For example: instead of "Do not get dirty!" - "Be careful!".
Keep track of the phrases you use in talking with children, and then you will educate self-confident personalities.