In one famous parable it is said that a man is given two ears and one mouth, this means saying people should listen less than listen. It is important for a person to be heard, understood, and listening more - many things and secrets are comprehended. Active listening is a method that has earned trust among psychologists due to its effectiveness and simplicity.
What is active listening?
Active or empathic listening is a technique that American psychotherapist, the creator of humanistic psychology Karl Rogers brought to psychotherapy. Active listening is a tool that helps to hear, understand the feelings, emotions of the interlocutor, direct the conversation in depth and help a person to survive and transform his state. In Russia, the technique developed and was supplemented by various nuances due to the child psychologist Yu. Gippenreiter.
Empathic listening in psychology
The methods of active listening in psychology help to harmoniously build a conversation, to discover the field of the client's problems and to select the appropriate individual therapy. In working with children - this is the best method, because a small child still does not quite identify and knows their feelings. During the empathic hearing, the therapist abstracts from his or her problems, mental experiences and is completely focused on the patient.
Active listening - types
Types of active listening are conditionally divided into male and female. Features of each species:
- Men's active listening - assumes reflection and is used in business circles, negotiations in business. The information received from the interlocutor is carefully analyzed from different sides, many clarifying questions are asked, as men are aimed at the result. Here appropriate and reasonable criticism.
- Women's active listening . Due to the natural emotionality and greater dwelling of feelings - women are more open and have greater empathy : to be with the interlocutor together, involved with him in his problem. Empathy can not be faked-it is felt by another person and causes him to trust to reveal himself. In women's hearing paraphrase techniques are used, emphasis on pronounced feelings and emotions.
The technique of active listening
Active listening is a technique and at the same time a process of maximum concentration on another person, when all subtleties and nuances are taken into account in conversation: observation of voice, intonation, facial expressions, gestures and sudden pauses. The main components of the technique of active listening:
- Neutrality . Avoiding assessments, criticism, condemnation. Acceptance and respect of a person as they are.
- Goodwill . A calm state and attitude to the interlocutor, encouraging him to continue to talk about himself, the problem - contribute to relaxation and trust.
- Sincere interest . One of the most important instruments of influence in the technique of active listening, helps a person to open up more fully and clarify the problem situation
Methods of active listening
The methods of active listening are multifunctional and diverse. In classical psychology, there are five main techniques of active listening:
- A pause . It is important for a person to speak out until the end and pauses are needed in the conversation. This does not mean that you need to keep silent all the time: poddakivanie ("yes", "hugo"), nod head are signals for a person that they listen to him.
- Specification . For unclear points, clarifying questions are applied to avoid speculating the situation and to better understand the interlocutor or client.
- Paraphrase . The method when the heard is retold to the speaker in a brief form and allows the interlocutor to confirm that "yes, everything is so", or clarify and clarify important points.
- Echo-statement (repetition) - "return" of phrases to the interlocutor in unchanged form - a person understands that he is carefully listened to (do not abuse this conversation in a conversation).
- Reflection of feelings . The phrases that correspond to the experience of a person are used: "You are upset ...", "At that time it was very painful / joyful / sad for you."
Rules for active listening
The principles of active listening include important components, without which this technique does not work:
- the interlocutor can not be interrupted;
- the question asked presupposes an answer to it, it is not recommended to answer or help with the answer, the interlocutor himself must answer the question - one must endure a pause;
- visual contact throughout the conversation;
- important feedback: support, nod head;
- when living aggressive, negative feelings by a person, it is important to let him throw them out until he stops.
Exercises for active listening
The techniques of empathic listening are worked out on psychological training, in groups. The purpose of the exercises is to learn how to hear the other, highlight problem areas that you can work with. The coach breaks up groups into pairs and gives task-exercises that can vary:
- Exercise for an active close listening . The coach gives three members of the group different printed articles, hears 3 minutes, during which the material is simultaneously read by three participants. The task for the readers: to hear what the other two are reading, the other members of the group should also hear and understand what all the articles are about.
- Exercise on the ability to discover in the words of the interlocutor sincerity or finesse . The coach gives out cards with phrases written on them. The task of the participants to take turns reading their phrase and not thinking about continuing the narration from themselves, develop a thought. The other participants listen attentively and observe: the person is sincere or not. If the statements were sincere, then others silently raise their hand that they agree, if not, the participant is invited to draw the card again and try again. Phrases on the card can be as follows:
- when they shout at me, I'm ready ...
- sometimes I am characterized by cowardice, recently I ....
- I have my shortcomings ...
- in itself I like ...
- I'm annoyed in people ...
- an empty card (to sincerely say about yourself what comes to mind at the moment).
Wonders of active listening
Empathic listening is a technique that can work miracles. The technology of active listening is easy to use and requires a conscious attention first. When using the method in the family, amazing things happen:
- disappearing years of conflict;
- sincere and deep contact between parents and children is formed;
- in the house there is an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance of each other's family members.
Active listening - books
Active and passive listening - both methods are considered effective in psychotherapy and complement each other. For beginning psychologists and anyone who wants to understand people, to establish sincere friendly relations - the following books will be useful:
- "Learn to listen to" M. Moskvin . In her book, a famous radio personality tells stories and talks about the importance of listening to her interlocutor.
- "Listening skills. The key manager skill »Bernard Ferrari . The annotation states that 90% of workers and family problems can be solved through active listening.
- "Wonders of active listening" Yu. Gippenreiter. Learning to hear and listen to your loved ones is the guarantee of harmonious relationships in the family.
- "You can not tell the listener. Alternative to rigid management »Ed. Shane . Effective communication is impossible without observing the three rules: less talk, skillfully ask questions, express gratitude to the interlocutor.
- "The Art of Speaking and Listening" M. Adler . The book raises the problems of communication. Listening is an important aspect of interaction between people. The book gives valuable recommendations and basic techniques of active listening.