Attachment to man

We happen to say phrases like "I'm so attached to this person," meaning sympathy and sincere disposition. But sometimes people confuse attachment and more serious feelings, and this can lead to undesirable consequences. For example, do you know how love differs from attachment to man?

Attachment types

Everyone feels the sense of attachment, beginning with early childhood. First, it manifests itself at the level of instincts - attachment to the mother, to some things (clothes, toys). Then some attachments are replaced by others, but the feeling itself accompanies us all life.

There are several types of attachments, specialists distinguish 3 (some authors 4) variety. But for the sake of understanding, we will use the division of just 2 types of attachments: safe and painful.

Safe, that is, the normal can lie at the heart of friendship or love. In this case, when leaving the object of attachment, a person does not experience serious unrest. There may be a feeling of mild sadness and sadness, but not hysteria or depression.

But a painful emotional attachment will cause just such feelings. It can be aimed at both a person (attachment to a guy) and objects (attachment to things). They say that the latter is not as strong as love affection, but there are times when a person can not part with things that are dear to his heart. And all the entreaties of relatives cause only aggression, because a person can not imagine life without this particular thing. But attachment to objects is not so dangerous, because it is easier to detect. A man littering his apartment with things that he does not intend to use in the near future (someday I'll make shelves out of these boards, and old newspapers will come in handy if I'm going to do repairs), then there is an attachment phenomenon. The situation is different in interpersonal relations, it is very difficult to understand attachment or love. And to distinguish between these two concepts is simply necessary, because love opens the way to happiness, and strong attachment (sick, selfish) makes miserable.

How to distinguish love from affection?

As mentioned above, cordial affection can be the basis of love and this is normal, it is bad when this feeling replaces love. Attachment can not become the basis of long-term relationships, perhaps they will more vivid and will leave a lasting trace in your soul, but as soon as the attachment disappears, it turns out that the person on the other side of the cot is completely alien to you.

How to distinguish love from attachment to man?

It is necessary to evaluate your relationship, the following questions will help.

1. What exactly attracts you to a partner? Attachment is characterized by infatuation with external data, for love it is necessary, first of all, a sense of spiritual kinship, and only then physiological attraction.
2. Do you remember when you decided that you can not live without this person? If you remember how your relationship developed, it is a sign of love. If you suddenly get sick suddenly, this is a sign of affection.
3. What qualities attract you in a partner? Attachment tends to get carried away with one thing - a voice, a smile, and love will mark many features in an expensive person.
4. Your interest in the partner is permanent? With attachment, interest then fades, then flashes like peaks on a cardiogram. Love is a more equal feeling, therefore it is characterized by only minor fluctuations of interest.
5. You have changed a lot under the influence of this feeling? Attachment prevents you from living normally. Love, on the contrary, helps to gather your thoughts and show your best qualities.
6. How do you feel about other people? If you have affection, then the center of the universe will be your partner, and the rest of the people are annoying hindrances on the way to it. Love also singles out the one, but does not cloud positive feelings for other people.
7. How do you endure parting? Attachment: separation - death for a relationship, although in the beginning it is very painful and I want to climb on the wall. Love: parting is a serious test, but you can survive it.
8. Do you often quarrel with a partner? Attachment can not do without quarrels and scandals, and each of them with beating cymbals. Without quarrels, you are simply bored, you make a performance out of it. Love, too, is not without disagreements, but you are looking for compromises, quarrels are aimed at solving the problem.
9. Do you see the further development of relations? Attachment does not provide an opportunity to present a common future, love builds common plans.
10. Selfishness or disinterestedness? Attachment does everything to satisfy their own needs. Love prompts to take care of the beloved.

How to get rid of affection?

To begin with, find out what exactly you owns - love or affection. Having realized your dependence on a person, you will make the first step to recovery. And then you will need to review again and again all that this person has brought into your life - pain and resentment, frustration and fear. You are not a masochist, to stay with someone who is only bad for you? Maybe you can not get rid of attachment immediately, so take small steps. After a while, you do not remember that you were so dependent.