The relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is rarely warm and welcoming. In many cases, the lack of mutual understanding leads to family conflicts, and even to divorce.
The number of polls conducted in different countries testify to how much influence the relations in the family have with their mother-in-law. Only a few lucky people can boast of a good relationship with their mother, but for most women of different ages the question of how to establish relationships with their mother-in-law remains open. The psychology of relations with the mother-in-law has been studied for many years, and for today a wide range of information is presented on how to establish relationships with the mother-in-law. But, despite this, the problem remains unresolved in many families. And to take advantage of even simple advice and recommendations of psychologists in practice is not so simple at all. Let's try to understand the reasons for this, why the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law remains a problem, despite all the efforts of psychologists, and what should be done to ensure that the family had peace and mutual understanding.
How to build relationships with your mother-in-law?
Even the idea that they should try to correct the situation is unacceptable for young daughters-in-law. Such an installation is initially the cause of a bad relationship with the mother-in-law. In this case, it is recommended that young women put themselves in the place of their mother-in-law. Imagine the birth of a baby, imagine how he grows up, and for many years is the most important person in the life of the mother, until the day comes when another woman does not take her place. Only fully imagining themselves in this situation, daughters-in-law can understand the motives of the behavior of the husband of the husband. Such a simple trick will help to understand how to establish relations with the mother-in-law in the most difficult situations, even if the conflict persists for several years.
Another common cause of conflict between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is jealousy. Jealousy can take many forms, but the essence remains one - the fear of losing the favor of a loved one. Independently to overcome a feeling of jealousy is beyond the power for most of the mother-in-law. And help in this situation can exactly daughter-in-law, taking care of the fact that her husband's mother did not feel abandoned and unnecessary. But in order to cope with this task, the daughter-in-law must sincerely respect the mother-in-law and appreciate what she has done for her son.
In addition, the lack of mutual understanding in relations between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is due to age characteristics, which is very often completely overlooked. The feeling of approaching old age, emotional changes and depression, caused by hormonal changes, affect the character and behavior in a bad way. And since the state of the mother-in-law is conditioned by physiological factors, it is the daughter-in-law that needs to show understanding and condescension, to find an approach to the mother of her husband and help her overcome the critical moment in life.
But these are only the first steps to mutual understanding. Even sincerely wanting to establish peace in the family, having understood the reasons for the negative attitude of her husband's mother, the bride needs a lot of work. First, you should think about how to build relationships with your mother-in-law. For this you need to understand your mother-in-law well, to know her nature and habits. For some mothers, it is enough to see that their daughter-in-law understands them and is ready to cooperate, while others will on the contrary try to keep from their last efforts a hostile attitude. Therefore, to develop a strategy for reconciliation is possible only taking into account the nature of the nature of the mother-in-law. Also, a prerequisite for reconciliation is the sincere forgiveness of the mother-in-law, for all the troubles that she caused. If resentment remains, then in the future they will poison the relationship.
There are special psychological training that will get rid of the accumulated negative and start building relationships with a clean slate. After the irritation goes away, and dislike of the husband's mother, you can start active activities. But do not expect that everything will change instantly, especially if the conflict lasted a long time. The beginning of a new relationship can be a sincere conversation. If the mother-in-law is characterized by incontinence, or often reinterprets the meaning of what was said, then instead of talking it is better to write her a letter. Explain should be through simple and short phrases, avoiding ambiguity and understatement. In a letter or a conversation, it is necessary to state the essence of the problem and suggestions for its elimination. Do not use flattery, in the hope that it will soften the relationship. But sincerely thank or praise her husband's mother will not be superfluous, emphasizing the character traits or abilities that cause admiration.
When living together with my mother-in-law, it will be necessary to resolve not only psychological conflicts, but also domestic ones. And to solve this kind of problems should be approached creatively and with humor, as for domestic conflicts the soil will be found always and everywhere. And in this matter, it will also be necessary to take the mother-in-law without resenting and judging, as well as to analyze the reasons for its discontent and to outline a strategy for conflict-free farming.
On the road to reconciliation with the mother-in-law, it is always worth remembering that no matter how difficult the relationship with the mother of her husband was, this is the mother of a loved one who would like to see her family friendly and happy. And for the sake of this goal, all means are good and efforts will not be in vain.