An important component of any relationship is trust and respect for the individual. The absence of these components can lead to the emergence of abyssic relationships based on selfishness, misunderstanding and violence. It is easy to determine an abuser, and living with him can be incredibly difficult and even dangerous.
Abuz - what is it?
The term "abusing relations" appeared in psychology recently, so there is a reason for asking about what kind of relations and the abuser is who it is? The word "abyuz" has English roots and is translated as "cruel treatment", "violence", "insult". Abuzer is a person who mocks his second half, oppresses him, suppresses or ignores his desires, insults, leads to certain acts or shows physical abuse to him.
In the abusive relationship, the second person will act as a victim who does not have the right to vote and periodically or systematically experiences psychological or physical pressure from the partner. Due to its psychological characteristics, the victim can tolerate abusive relationships for a long time, provoking the abuser to commit violent acts and violence.
Abuz has such types:
- psychological abuz - hidden or direct violence over the partner of the psychological plan;
- physical abuse - physical violence against a person;
- sexual abuse - coercion of the spouse to physical intimacy without regard to desires and physical condition;
- economic abuse - a partner put in complete dependence by monitoring financial resources.
Psychological Abuse
Considering what abyuz in psychology, researchers especially pay attention to the psychological abyss. The reason for this lies in the fact that this is the most common type of violence in a relationship. Psychological abuses are manifested in threats, humiliation, insulting the person . The companion is inspired that he is useless, uninteresting, stupid, incapable of anything. This attitude leads to a decrease in the partner's self-esteem, the appearance of a depressed and depressed mood, unwillingness to communicate with other people.
Psychological love abyuz has two types of manifestations:
- Open abyuz . The Abuzer demonstrates its negative attitude towards the life satellite in an open manner in the presence of other people. He can at all declare that his partner is stupid and useless, has negative qualities of character and terrible habits.
- Hidden abyuz . Abuzer is extremely courteous to his partner in public, but despotic in private. He constantly makes claims to the partner, expresses dissatisfaction about his behavior, points out shortcomings, speaks offensive words, humiliates.
Sexual abuse
For an accurate definition of what an Abuse is, it is difficult to find a more appropriate word than violence. Pressure on a partner can manifest itself in all spheres, but sexual trauma is the most traumatic for the psyche. This sphere of human relations requires great delicacy and understanding. The abuser does not want to take into account the needs and condition of the partner, perceiving him as an object for satisfying his sexual desires.
In 90% of cases, a man is the sexual abuser. He justifies his behavior by the fact that a woman must fulfill her conjugal duty. With sexual abuse, a woman experiences the same consequences as rape. This kind of violence can last for years, as a result of which a woman can be in constant psychological shock, manifested indifference to life, apathy and suicidal tendencies.
Abuse in relationships - signs
Abuse is violence, so it's easy to learn this kind of relationship. In the abusive relationship, various methods can be used, the purpose of which is to humiliate and insult the personality of the partner. Abusive relationships have such characteristics:
- Jealousy . The partner tries to control the communication of his spouse, especially when it comes to communication with a person of the opposite sex.
- Interrogations . The partner requires constant reports about what the spouse was doing, where he was and when.
- Crooks . Abusive abrasions of the abuser for any reason can bring the partner to suicidal thoughts, aggressive state or depression.
- Charges . In an abusive relationship, one partner is always guilty of all problems or guilty that the abuser had to go wrong.
- Tenderness . Abuser takes offense at any occasion, and a step to reconciliation always awaits from a partner.
- Lability of mood . The mood of the abuser can change for any reason, often in the direction of the negative and aggressive. After a burst of emotions, he quickly calms down, while a partner can long retreat from his emotional or physical outburst.
Abuzer male signs
In 90% of the cases, the abusers are men. This is due to the dominant role of men for many centuries and with the presence of a high level of testosterone hormone responsible for aggression. Abuzera-man can be recognized by such signs:
- he has different requirements for himself and for his partner: what he does not allow a woman, he considers permissible for himself;
- during a conflict uses a voice increase, a cry;
- demonstrates his physical superiority, threatens with physical violence;
- leaves alone in an unfamiliar place;
- accuses the partner of lying, shows no confidence in her words;
- supervises telephone conversations of the partner, checks messages;
- abyuzer-man is jealous of any person with whom the partner communicates. The better the communication, the more jealousy.
Abuzer-woman - signs.
In abusive relationships, a negative role can play a woman. Since she is weaker than a man physically, an abuser-woman uses other ways to humiliate and abuse a partner. In its arsenal there are such methods:
- refusal of physical intimacy, mockery of the partner's sexual capabilities;
- her female aggression is directed at the partner's items, beats dishes, equipment, spoils clothes;
- monitors every step of the spouse, controls it in such a way that all the people around him know about it;
- each meeting begins with interrogation where and with whom was;
- constant discontent with the behavior of the spouse;
- questions the ability of a partner, criticizes a person.
Why become abyuzeryami?
There are several reasons why a person becomes an abuser. The main ones are:
- in the parents' family there were abusive relationships;
- the abuser was sexually or physically abused in childhood or adolescence;
- Low self-esteem of the abyuser, which he unconsciously tries to increase by humiliating another;
- mental disorders and diseases;
- features of character: demonstrativeness, aggressiveness, authoritarianism, inability to control oneself, selfishness.
How to behave with an abuser?
Abuse in the relationship - this is the reason why it is worth breaking the relationship and trying to start a new life. A person who has become an abuser can not change his behavior without the help of a specialist and stop humiliating his partner and showing aggression. The more the partner tries to adjust to the offender and does not cause his anger, the further the abuser goes. This variant of family relations is difficult for all members of the family, so the best way out of the situation is to break such relations.
How to stop being an abuser?
A person who has become an abuser, it is hard to self-manage yourself. He considers his behavior to be forced, caused by the wrong behavior of the partner. The first thing that needs to be done to stop being an abuser is to realize the problem. Physical, sexual, or emotional abuses have consequences, which should push the abuser to the idea that he is doing something wrong. He should understand that the main reason lies in himself, and not in the surrounding people.
To get rid of their negative habits, psychologists recommend that the abysser think about such questions:
- What situations cause a negative reaction?
- What is the main reason for this behavior: childhood trauma, low self-esteem, personal crisis, personal experiences?
- What are the consequences of abusive behavior?
- How could you react differently to the situation that has arisen?
Consequences of Abuza
Abuz has the following consequences:
- violation of interpersonal relationships ;
- worsening of trust and interpersonal intimacy;
- female degradation after Abyuza is a fixed fact and is related to a woman's unwillingness to further strive for anything and loss of interest in life;
- a decrease in self-esteem and a sustained stressful condition in a partner who has been subjected to violence;
- reducing the relationship to a minimum or a complete break.
Books about abyuzers
To better understand the topic of violence, it is worth reading such books about abyuz:
- Aud Dalsegg "On the Hook. How to break the circle of unhealthy relationships . " The book explains why people resort to violence and how to avoid any abusive influence.
- Lundy Bancroft "Why does he do this?" . In an interesting form, the author tells us that one should not tolerate abusive relationships and try to adapt to them.
- Nancy Price, James Grant "In bed with the enemy . " This artwork describes the problem of the abusive relationship, from which the main character tries to get rid of on pain of death.
Films about abyuzeryov
Films about abusing relations are interesting in that they show these relations on life examples. The most popular films are:
- "My King . " After the injury, the main character thinks about how healthy her relationship with the partner was.
- "The Wife of Stalin . " In the film, built on historical events, it is told about the abyuzere who put his desires in the center of relations.
- "Maleficent" . In the film, in a fairy-tale form, the abyuse is described in relation to the main heroine, her feelings and emotions after him, as well as attempts to get out of the state of mental trauma.