Conflicts happen constantly, and very few people like them, most people try to understand how to live without conflicts. To learn conflict-free communication, it is necessary to understand the causes of conflict.
Causes of conflict
The reasons for the emergence of conflicts are a mass - from the socio-economic situation in the country to a bad mood. Surely you noticed that in a bad mood you often allow rough expressions, you can also raise the voice. And someone can take offense at this, that's the beginning of the conflict. Therefore, it is impossible to list all the prerequisites for the development of the conflict, and conflictologists do not try to do this, preferring to operate with groups of causes of conflict.
- Objective reasons. These include the clash of interests of different people, the poor use of procedures for resolving contradictions, the lack of elaboration of these procedures.
- Organizational and administrative reasons . This group belongs to working conflicts. This includes ineffective organization of work in the company (lack of necessary external and internal links), inconsistency of the employee of the position held, mistakes of subordinates and managers committed in the course of work.
- Socio-psychological reasons. They generate conflicts in situations where there is no balance in the performance of their roles (the boss talks to you as if he were a child, although he did not leave you by his age and development), incorrect evaluation of his performance, etc.
- Personal causes of conflicts. These are factors such as the characteristics of a person's character (choleric persons, conflict people are more often initiators of conflict situations), inadequate assessment of their capabilities, insufficient social adaptation and so on. This group is most often the cause of domestic conflicts.
What conflicts are there?
- Actual. Such conflicts are the most common and easiest to resolve. The subject of the dispute is a specific subject. To get an objective judgment, the disputants turn to a third party. For conflicts in everyday life, this person is often a senior relative or friend, outside the home - the head. If it is impossible to resolve the conflict at this level, the disputants turn to the court.
- Conflicts of choice. There are cases when the parties find it difficult to come to an agreement about the adoption of some actions, a method of solving the problem. For example, disputes about the choice of a contractor (in business) or disagreements about the ways of raising a child (grandmother spoils, and mom and dad - for severity).
- Conflicts of priority goals. They are the most difficult for resolution, because it is always difficult to determine priorities, be it business or family.
How to prevent conflict?
The secret of conflict-free communication is based on the prevention of conflicts and the ability to solve them.
To the prevention of conflict can include the following techniques.
- Practical empathy. Try to imagine yourself in the place of a person who causes you negative emotions, perhaps in his situation you would act the same way. This method often causes a feeling of compassion, and the desire to quarrel with a person disappears.
- It is necessary to exclude the possibility of manifestation of social discrimination, which will emphasize differences in social status and intellectual development. That is, flaunting quotes from Nietzsche in front of a person with a secondary education is not worth it, this you can easily bring upon himself his anger.
- Incomplete merit. Often people feel deprived of honor, they think (or maybe it is) that most of the work they did, and it went unnoticed. Such a person should be told about his services, you can minimize your participation.
- Supporting positive emotions. If you see that the interlocutor is going to quarrel, try to reduce everything to a joke, share with him
positive emotions. Maybe his desire to swear is gone. - Agree with the person when he zealously proves to you your wrong. Tell him that maybe you are really mistaken.
- Sometimes psychologists advise you to quit disputes in the literal sense of the word, in order to let the interlocutor cool down and think about your behavior.
The ability to solve conflicts basically comes down to the ability to make concessions on its own or to find compromises for the warring parties.