"I thought of it myself, I was offended myself!" - many girls and women heard this rebuke from their companions. Why does it apply to female offenses such a formulation, and how to stop resenting trifles - let's look at this article.
Why do we take offense?
Tenderness is not an innate property of character. Children start to take offense only after they are accustomed to the rules. For example, a child is taught to share his toys. And here the neighbor in the sandbox takes his shovel, but does not give his bucket. What does a little man feel? Resentment to a partner who did not live up to his expectations, and self-pity. Here it is, the first offense.
In certain circumstances, a child, and then a teenager, learn with the help of his resentment to manipulate others. As a rule, society allows girls to behave longer in the manner of young children. In the same situation, the little boy will be strictly told: "Behave like a man!", And a little girl will regret and help restore justice. Unfortunately, this is the way in which the resentment is fixed in the female character. And the adult woman then hears a contemptuous: "Are you offended again?"
So, the feeling of resentment arises from unjustified expectations. A girl expects a romantic sms from a guy, and when they do not, she takes offense. While relations are experiencing an initial stage, men are ready to be guilty without guilt. But over time, they will re-equip cute whims in the category of tyranny. And touchiness will be called by its name - the desire to be manipulated with the help of an unfounded sense of guilt. And once, out of habit, having pouted a sponge, a woman gets a cruel lesson. Instead of a fawning man, she sees his retreating back. And he hears the words that were thrown over his shoulder: "You have thought of everything, you are offended, now, and sit with your offense."
Why should we not be offended?
Some couples live their entire lives, and one suffers insults, and the other - a sense of guilt. Do I have to change something, search for reasons and ways out? Psychologists and doctors respond unequivocally in the affirmative, with sensitivity must be understood, otherwise it leads to serious somatic diseases. Resentment is bitterness, which we carry inside and poison ourselves. If you poison your soul for too long, you can get insomnia, cardiovascular and even cancer. And if ill health is already beginning to manifest itself, then it's time to seek understanding, how not to take offense at people.
How to stop being offended?
So, for insult there are two reasons.
- The first is manipulative . This is a fixed habit in the nature of interacting with others: I'm waiting for you, you do not give me, I'm offended, you repent and give. In this scheme, and the answer to the question of how to learn not to take offense is laid. The trick is that the adult person expects something from someone. It's with this expectation that you need to work, and to begin with, find out the following points:
- is it possible to get what you want with your own strength. Self-reliance makes a person stronger and more independent. To such a person other people themselves drag themselves along, and there is no need to keep them near oneself with an artificial sense of guilt;
- does the person know what is expected of him? Men are really inclined to show less sensitivity and forethought. But with pleasure will do for the beloved everything, about what she openly asks.
- The second reason is objective .
meanness can wound very deeply, cause real insult. How to learn not to take offense at people in such cases? Here the answer is one - to learn to accept and forgive. Accept the fact that some people have a longer path of spiritual maturation. To forgive sincerely, releasing an unnecessary load from your heart and not remembering more about it.
In both cases, work on yourself, on the development of your own qualities will help to get above some kind of resentment. The key to all problems is to start looking inside yourself, so that from a person who takes offense at trifles, become a person free from resentment and empty expectations.